What Does It Mean to Be a Gay Man?

Coming out means valuing your “difference” more than others’ approval.
Posted March 1, 2018 by John-Manuel Andriote

So many gay men grow up believing there is something “wrong” with us because we are different from other supposedly “normal” males. We expend considerable energy hiding our genuine selves from everyone around us—including those who care about us and, too often and most insidiously, from ourselves.

We project an image we believe will let us fit in with those whose approval we seek. It’s not surprising that a term like “straight-acting” shows up so often in gay men’s online personal ads. It presumably means the advertiser considers himself a “real” man—real, that is, according to a standard of masculinity he doesn’t attribute to other gay men.

American males of all sexual orientations are raised in a culture that insists the only way to be a man is to be “manly,” which typically requires denying our fear, loneliness, tenderness, and need for love, and projecting an attitude of invincibility. Harvard psychologist William Pollack calls it the “Boy Code,” the messages instilled in a million ways from our youngest age telling us that “real” boys must keep a stiff upper lip, not show their feelings, act tough, and be cool.

Continue reading “What Does It Mean to Be a Gay Man?”

The Epidemic of Loneliness

by Michael Hobbes, Huffpost/ Highline

“I used to get so excited when the meth was all gone.”

This is my friend Jeremy.

“When you have it,” he says, “you have to keep using it. When it’s gone, it’s like, ‘Oh good, I can go back to my life now.’ I would stay up all weekend and go to these sex parties and then feel like shit until Wednesday. About two years ago I switched to cocaine because I could work the next day.”

Jeremy is telling me this from a hospital bed, six stories above Seattle. He won’t tell me the exact circumstances of the overdose, only that a stranger called an ambulance and he woke up here.

Jeremy is not the friend I was expecting to have this conversation with. Until a few weeks ago, I had no idea he used anything heavier than martinis. He is trim, intelligent, gluten-free, the kind of guy who wears a work shirt no matter what day of the week it is. The first time we met, three years ago, he asked me if I knew a good place to do CrossFit. Today, when I ask him how the hospital’s been so far, the first thing he says is that there’s no Wi-Fi, he’s way behind on work emails.

“The drugs were a combination of boredom and loneliness,” he says. “I used to come home from work exhausted on a Friday night and it’s like, ‘Now what?’ So I would dial out to get some meth delivered and check the Internet to see if there were any parties happening. It was either that or watch a movie by myself.”

Continue reading “The Epidemic of Loneliness”

My Coming Out/Getting Outed

Adrian Schuurman-a personal view

I recently re-posted an article on coming out on hominum.ca

So what was it like for me?

Pretty mundane LOL

I didn’t reveal myself to the world until I was 38 although I am sure many wondered.  It was the same time that I sobered up and beat my alcoholism. 

When I sobered up I realized that I am who I am and nothing else matters.  I don’t need to live by someone else’s standards or expectations.  It was a revelation and started me on a new path. Continue reading “My Coming Out/Getting Outed”

Male Penguin Couple Doing ‘Great Job’ Raising Foster Hatchling, New York Zoo Says

Elmer and Lima were “exemplary in every aspect of egg care” and are now foster dads to a little chick…By Josephine Harvey

Two male Humboldt penguins at a New York zoo who adopted an egg last year have become parents to a brand-new hatchling.

The same-sex foster couple, Elmer and Lima, are a first for the Rosamond Gifford Zoo, which is based in Syracuse, though a number of other zoos around the world have also had same-sex penguins successfully incubate eggs and raise chicks.

The Rosamond Gifford Zoo said on its website that it has had at least two breeding pairs of penguins accidentally break their fertilized eggs in the past. To improve the chances of hatching a chick, zookeepers may give an egg to a more successful pair. Continue reading “Male Penguin Couple Doing ‘Great Job’ Raising Foster Hatchling, New York Zoo Says”