Ask the Expert.  “Am I too old to find love?”

Dr. Joe Kort

I’m 58 and have never had a lover, although I’ve always dreamed of having one.  Surely I must be doing something wrong? But I feel I’ve waited too long, and that today’s gay culture won’t now be interest in an old guy.  It seems that “attractive” and “successful” are the only attributes anyone cares about.

Am I unique in this search?  I live alone, have no relatives and few friends—most of them straight and most of them only at work.

Single-In in Spartanburg

Dear Singled-In,
I want to help become singled OUT!  So many gay men tell me they want a relationship, but what they really want is a…

Continue reading “Ask the Expert.  “Am I too old to find love?””

A Life Lesson

by Scott Barthelmass

A young man went to seek an important position at a large Landscaping company. He passed the initial interview and was going to meet the director for the final interview. The director saw his resume, it was excellent. And asked,’ “Have you received a scholarship for school?”

The boy replied, “No”.
‘It was your father who paid for your studies? ”
Yes.’ He replied.
‘Where does your father work? ‘
 ‘My father is a Farmer’ and landscapes for fun.

The Director asked the young man to show him his hands.

Continue reading “A Life Lesson”

Do we choose to be gay?

Yes and no. We may not choose to be attracted to people of the same sex, but we can choose to hide that attraction or live openly as gay and lesbian people. There’s no reason to be proud of being gay. But living gay is something we should all celebrate.
By Jordan Roth – An Advocate.com exclusive posted February 12, 2004

If you could choose not to be gay, would you? Wait. Think about it for a second. The knee-jerk response is to assume battle positions and scream, ‘It’s not a choice! But that’s not the question though it may well reveal the answer. Maybe our rush to defensiveness exposes the implied conclusion: Because if it were, I wouldn’t choose it.

Scientists have been working overtime lately to prove what our bodies tell us every day: Sexual preference is a biological fact. The research shows that an identical twin of a gay person is twice as likely to be gay as a fraternal twin, that the brain anatomy of a gay man is measurably different from that of a straight man, that lesbians have finger lengths and blink reflexes that are more similar to those of men than of women, and that a man is more likely to be gay the more older brothers he has because of readjusted hormonal balances in his mother’s womb. These studies all point to the conclusion that homosexuality is either completely, or at least in some significant part, biologically determined.

It’s all good news. It’s all what we feel is true. It’s all what we want to hear: Being gay is not a choice, so you can’t try to change me and you can’t discriminate against me. But what do ,,,

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The Internalized Homophobia Of “Straight-Acting” Gay Men

From thinkqueerly.com

Straight-acting is a term for a same gender-attracted person who does not exhibit the appearance or mannerisms of what is seen as typical for gay people.

Queers United

If you’re an out and proud gay man— why would you label yourself as straight-acting?

This is the ultimate version of internalized homophobia for many gay men.

Ah yes, another Grindr profile with “straight-acting” or “Masc4Masc” in the description! I wonder if the guy who wrote that has a secret desire for drag queens? How emasculating!

“Ya I’m gay, but I’m a man, dude. I’m normal. I want a man, not a woman!”
That also rings misogynistic, which by the way is part of what homophobia is: a fear of anything that is not heteronormative, not defined by prescribed gender roles, or religious ideologies. Men should be men, and women… well, women know their place.

Continue reading “The Internalized Homophobia Of “Straight-Acting” Gay Men”

What Does It Mean to Be a Gay Man?

Coming out means valuing your “difference” more than others’ approval.
Posted March 1, 2018 by John-Manuel Andriote
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stonewall-strong/201803/what-does-it-mean-be-gay-man

So many gay men grow up believing there is something “wrong” with us because we are different from other supposedly “normal” males. We expend considerable energy hiding our genuine selves from everyone around us—including those who care about us and, too often and most insidiously, from ourselves.

We project an image we believe will let us fit in with those whose approval we seek. It’s not surprising that a term like “straight-acting” shows up so often in gay men’s online personal ads. It presumably means the advertiser considers himself a “real” man—real, that is, according to a standard of masculinity he doesn’t attribute to other gay men.

American males of all sexual orientations are raised in a culture that insists the only way to be a man is to be “manly,” which typically requires denying our fear, loneliness, tenderness, and need for love, and projecting an attitude of invincibility. Harvard psychologist William Pollack calls it the “Boy Code,” the messages instilled in a million ways from our youngest age telling us that “real” boys must keep a stiff upper lip, not show their feelings, act tough, and be cool.

Continue reading “What Does It Mean to Be a Gay Man?”

Male Penguin Couple Doing ‘Great Job’ Raising Foster Hatchling, New York Zoo Says

Elmer and Lima were “exemplary in every aspect of egg care” and are now foster dads to a little chick…By Josephine Harvey

Two male Humboldt penguins at a New York zoo who adopted an egg last year have become parents to a brand-new hatchling.

The same-sex foster couple, Elmer and Lima, are a first for the Rosamond Gifford Zoo, which is based in Syracuse, though a number of other zoos around the world have also had same-sex penguins successfully incubate eggs and raise chicks.

The Rosamond Gifford Zoo said on its website that it has had at least two breeding pairs of penguins accidentally break their fertilized eggs in the past. To improve the chances of hatching a chick, zookeepers may give an egg to a more successful pair. Continue reading “Male Penguin Couple Doing ‘Great Job’ Raising Foster Hatchling, New York Zoo Says”

COMING OUT

Make sure you come out only when you really want to. Take control of the situation and remember that it may be more of a process than an event

1 You don’t have to come out. While many people find it’s a great weight off their shoulders, others don’t want to come out, seeing their sexuality as a completely private matter – so it it’s really up to you. Only come out when you feel comfortable and confident in doing so.

2 Coming out can be a really positive experience and it can feel liberating to be authentic with family, friends and colleagues. You can also be a positive role model to others around you who may be considering coming out.

3 Many people worry about other people’s reactions. Key concerns are that they won’t be accepted or will be seen differently. So if someone comes out to you, one of the best ways to respond is to say, “I still feel exactly the same about you.”
It’s also perfectly OK to say… Continue reading “COMING OUT”