What Does It Mean to Be a Gay Man?

Coming out means valuing your “difference” more than others’ approval.
Posted March 1, 2018 by John-Manuel Andriote

So many gay men grow up believing there is something “wrong” with us because we are different from other supposedly “normal” males. We expend considerable energy hiding our genuine selves from everyone around us—including those who care about us and, too often and most insidiously, from ourselves.

We project an image we believe will let us fit in with those whose approval we seek. It’s not surprising that a term like “straight-acting” shows up so often in gay men’s online personal ads. It presumably means the advertiser considers himself a “real” man—real, that is, according to a standard of masculinity he doesn’t attribute to other gay men.

American males of all sexual orientations are raised in a culture that insists the only way to be a man is to be “manly,” which typically requires denying our fear, loneliness, tenderness, and need for love, and projecting an attitude of invincibility. Harvard psychologist William Pollack calls it the “Boy Code,” the messages instilled in a million ways from our youngest age telling us that “real” boys must keep a stiff upper lip, not show their feelings, act tough, and be cool.

Continue reading “What Does It Mean to Be a Gay Man?”

The Epidemic of Loneliness

by Michael Hobbes, Huffpost/ Highline

“I used to get so excited when the meth was all gone.”

This is my friend Jeremy.

“When you have it,” he says, “you have to keep using it. When it’s gone, it’s like, ‘Oh good, I can go back to my life now.’ I would stay up all weekend and go to these sex parties and then feel like shit until Wednesday. About two years ago I switched to cocaine because I could work the next day.”

Jeremy is telling me this from a hospital bed, six stories above Seattle. He won’t tell me the exact circumstances of the overdose, only that a stranger called an ambulance and he woke up here.

Jeremy is not the friend I was expecting to have this conversation with. Until a few weeks ago, I had no idea he used anything heavier than martinis. He is trim, intelligent, gluten-free, the kind of guy who wears a work shirt no matter what day of the week it is. The first time we met, three years ago, he asked me if I knew a good place to do CrossFit. Today, when I ask him how the hospital’s been so far, the first thing he says is that there’s no Wi-Fi, he’s way behind on work emails.

“The drugs were a combination of boredom and loneliness,” he says. “I used to come home from work exhausted on a Friday night and it’s like, ‘Now what?’ So I would dial out to get some meth delivered and check the Internet to see if there were any parties happening. It was either that or watch a movie by myself.”

Continue reading “The Epidemic of Loneliness”

My Coming Out/Getting Outed

Adrian Schuurman-a personal view

I recently re-posted an article on coming out on hominum.ca

So what was it like for me?

Pretty mundane LOL

I didn’t reveal myself to the world until I was 38 although I am sure many wondered.  It was the same time that I sobered up and beat my alcoholism. 

When I sobered up I realized that I am who I am and nothing else matters.  I don’t need to live by someone else’s standards or expectations.  It was a revelation and started me on a new path. Continue reading “My Coming Out/Getting Outed”

Male Penguin Couple Doing ‘Great Job’ Raising Foster Hatchling, New York Zoo Says

Elmer and Lima were “exemplary in every aspect of egg care” and are now foster dads to a little chick…By Josephine Harvey

Two male Humboldt penguins at a New York zoo who adopted an egg last year have become parents to a brand-new hatchling.

The same-sex foster couple, Elmer and Lima, are a first for the Rosamond Gifford Zoo, which is based in Syracuse, though a number of other zoos around the world have also had same-sex penguins successfully incubate eggs and raise chicks.

The Rosamond Gifford Zoo said on its website that it has had at least two breeding pairs of penguins accidentally break their fertilized eggs in the past. To improve the chances of hatching a chick, zookeepers may give an egg to a more successful pair. Continue reading “Male Penguin Couple Doing ‘Great Job’ Raising Foster Hatchling, New York Zoo Says”


Make sure you come out only when you really want to. Take control of the situation and remember that it may be more of a process than an event

1 You don’t have to come out. While many people find it’s a great weight off their shoulders, others don’t want to come out, seeing their sexuality as a completely private matter – so it it’s really up to you. Only come out when you feel comfortable and confident in doing so.

2 Coming out can be a really positive experience and it can feel liberating to be authentic with family, friends and colleagues. You can also be a positive role model to others around you who may be considering coming out.

3 Many people worry about other people’s reactions. Key concerns are that they won’t be accepted or will be seen differently. So if someone comes out to you, one of the best ways to respond is to say, “I still feel exactly the same about you.”
It’s also perfectly OK to say… Continue reading “COMING OUT”

Conversion Therapy

Finally its illegal, as of Dec 8, 2021


This enactment amends the Criminal Code to, among other things, create the following offences:
(a) causing another person to undergo conversion therapy;
(b) doing anything for the purpose of removing a child from Canada with the intention that the child undergo conversion therapy outside Canada;
(c) promoting or advertising conversion therapy; and
(d) receiving a financial or other material benefit from the provision of conversion therapy.
It also amends the Criminal Code to authorize courts to order that advertisements for conversion therapy be disposed of or deleted.


Royal Assent. Dec 8/2021

Sexual Orientation and Weight

Stats Canada

In 2018, 26.8% of Canadians 18 and older (roughly 7.3 million adults) reported height and weight that classified them as obese. Another 9.9 million adults (36.3%) were classified as overweight – bringing the total population with increased health risks due to excess weight to 63.1% in 2018. This was an increase from 2015 where 61.9% of Canadians aged 18 and older were overweight or obese

Maybe some good news 
Article by Linda Carroll (2010-numbers have been climbing since then)

In a famous episode of “Seinfeld,” Jerry complains that people constantly assume he’s gay because he’s single, obsessively neat — and thin. As it turns out, at least part of that punchline may be anchored in fact.

A new study shows that gay men really are leaner than straight men. And conversely, it also found that gay women tend to be heavier than their heterosexual counterparts.

Boston researchers determined that gay men were 50 percent less likely to be obese compared to their heterosexual counterparts, according to a report published in the American Journal of Public Health.
Continue reading “Sexual Orientation and Weight”


Adelaide United player targeted in game at Melbourne Victory Cavallo says those who abused him should be held accountable

Josh Cavallo during the game at AAMI Park. He wrote on Instagram that he received homophobic abuse from crowd members at the stadium on Saturday night.

Josh Cavallo, who last year became the only openly gay professional top flight men’s footballer in the world, says he has “no words” to describe his disappointment at being targeted by homophobic abuse during an A-League Men game over the weekend.

The Adelaide United player came on as a second-half substitute during the Reds’ away game at Melbourne Victory on Saturday night and said afterwards that he had received abuse from the crowd at AAMI Park. Continue reading “‘NO WORDS’: GAY AUSTRALIAN FOOTBALLER JOSH CAVALLO CALLS OUT HOMOPHOBIC CROWD ABUSE 1/8/22 | THE GUARDIAN – Mike Hytner”

Prepping for Summer

Summer is just around the corner and it’s time to shed the winter blues (and a few extra pounds???).  Jumping into summer is as easy as 1, 2, 3.

1 Regular Exercise

Regular exercise is an important first step in preparing for summer (actually it’s important year round but we tend to forget in the winter)
It brightens our mood, helps burn off a few extra pounds, and tones up our muscles.

A simple walk is a great place to begin, 3 20 minute walks a week and work up to 5 times a week. If you have a regular exercise routine try adding a new thing or 2.

2 Fruits and Veggies

Increasing your fruits and veggies is the 2nd step.  Nothing tastes quite as good as in season fruits and vegetables.  Ok they aren’t quite in season yet. Continue reading “Prepping for Summer”